'Twas the dream

Had a weird dream last night. Something involving friends holding a party... or was it an outing? And my uncle crashing it and spoiling the entire event. The party reminded me of my secondary and college days. Those were the fun times. Surrounded by friends and easy laughter, those are the experiences that I'd wish to experience once more.

Somehow, over the years, I seem to have drifted apart from old friends. That was my biggest mistake I suppose. How true the phrase 'boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever' can be.

Coming to Australia, I've somehow managed to reserve myself, not going all out to meet new friends. Their lifestyles are just set in a different league. Even things that I would normally enjoy joining such as anime clubs intimidate me. Seems like self-esteem has gotten to me once more.. I thought I've overcame it.

What went wrong, I wonder. I came here expecting to start life afresh, but now it seems to have spiral downwards back to my past. The days where self-esteem was my biggest challenge, when the people I've met gradually helped me to build it up. Where are they now?

Even books which I've always labelled as my first true love does not help to ease this feeling. What I need now is a change, a change of scenery, a change of friends... as long as it's a change.

Perhaps home is where I should be right now. Surrounded by my family. Life always seems easier with my family around. Sighs. And the countdown begins.