What ifs

What if you've realised that the man you fell in love with, needs someone else instead.
And that you're not the suitable person to fill in that role.
That no matter what you do, it just does not seem right.
That this relationship should not have happened in the first place, and all this while you should have noticed the signs.
Signs telling you that you'll never be good enough for that person.

What would you do?

Damn, this is really a slap in the face.

I miss your warm body on me every night

I miss Mickey and Orion terribly. And silly ol' Curious too.

Seeing the adorable cat at William's yesterday did not helped at all. Sure he enjoyed being rubbed every once in a while, but he does not provide me the satisfaction of hearing Mickey's meow, or Orion's way of closing his eyes while enjoying it.

I want my kitties back so badly. Strange, I would never consider myself as a cat-person a year ago. Going to Australia has somehow changed my view on life.

I'm not really counting down the days, but how I wish I could be with my baby Mickey again. I miss how he would jump on my bed every night, looking at me with those huge round eyes and finding for his comfortable spot to lie on.

That little guy seems to be the center of my life. Haha. And to think Ray was supposed to be the center of my life. =P

Poof goes the dream

Stupid dream really scared me crap out of me. I really thought I've lost my dearest. Ugh. Shouldn't have read Mixed Doubles, I'm pretty sure my subconscious got the gunshot idea from there.

But still, to experience a life without Ray... *shudders*

I know this is something I would never want to go through. I was too shocked to even shed any tears. It just happened so sudden.

Bah. Have been waking up with headaches too. Guess overall I miss my pillow my bed. My bed is still softer and much much fluffier than this.

Three more days to go before Ray returns to Malaysia. Seems like my life is beginning to center around him. Not sure whether this is a good thing or not, or how it'll affect me in the future. Prft. Talk about learning to be independent.

Oh and waking up feeling sticky is getting unbearable to me. Guess this is what you get in humid weathers.

Fine fine, I'll stop comparing already. :)

Can't believe there's only two more weeks left before I return to the land down under. All I've prepared for my luggage so far are a bunch of books. I'm probably going to need an extra bookcase at the rate I'm purchasing books.

I'll need to drag myself to one of the shopping malls to update my wardrobe a little. It's my first time being an official university student, and I definitely can't start it by looking like a kid. Hard to believe that after three years, I'm finally entering second year in uni. I'm hoping that things would be like SAIBT still, simple and relaxed.

Ugh, I've heard one too many horror stories regarding universities. Cross fingers that it'll be smooth sailing. :D

Peanut butter love

I swear, Streamyx knows that I'm planning to betray them and turn to P1 instead. The line has been on it's best behavior the entire night. No terrible lags, no slow connections, even Youtube is loading fast. Talk about customer service...

It's late. Extremely late. But then I just don't feel like sleeping. Is May's nocturnal gears starting to turn again? Tsk. Only one month back in Malaysia and I've gone back to old habits. What is it with me and staying in front of the computer the entire night? Could be the fact that Streamyx's line is always better past midnight.

Hm. The connection for P1 is awesome. But Rm99 for 20gb per month is really pushing it. I share a 40gb connection with Ray and somehow we managed to go pass the limit most of the time, resulting in our lines being throttled.

But then again, the throttled speed for P1 is so much faster than Australia's, according to Ray. This is seriously tempting. Too bad I've only less than two weeks to enjoy the connection here.

What am I talking about? I'm going to enjoy fast connection when I get back to Australia anyway. =P

So far Valentine's Day has been pretty okay, felt like any other day to me. Guess I've really lost interest in these commercial days, thanks to a certain Mr. I-have-no-interest-in-these-type-of-stuff. Haha. But it was fun hanging out with Tero again. Seriously, to think I used to see her almost every single day. I sort of miss the old times. :)

Hm. I'm in the mood to play Final Fantasy VIII, just to watch how the story unfolds. And then hopefully I can rent a PS2 and grab FFX and FFX-2. Have always wanted to play those, but I never had the chance.

Honestly, I love my freedom in Australia. <3

Ugh. Okay, my brain juice is finally running low. Time to catch up on some zzz's.

Oh and... I can't wait till my darling Ray comes back to Malaysia with my so-called Valentine's present. :)

First impressions aren't always correct

After an entire day of fooling around with my Hotlink's MMS setting, I've given up... and have decided to change to Digi. It still seems like a better choice compared what I'm going through now.

Tut.

My poor LG phone, I won't be able to use all your functions just yet, will I? Should have just went ahead with the J-phone instead. It still has the better looks.

Oh well. It's still an adorable phone. (:
This little baby here got loads of attention when I brought her to the Maxis centre last night to fix this MMS issue.

I'm going on a shopping spree for cute stuff. I need to update my items, they've been with me for an entire year already... perhaps even longer. I've purchased a wallet with the design that I've always wanted at Sunway Pyramid last night. That's a start. Am going to try changing my image a little this year since it's the start of my University life. :)

But having to go out every day is proving to be a very tiresome task. It would be nice to just stay home for one day and relax. I'm not used to driving for hours just to have lunch. It used to be just a simple take-out near my place or a quick instant noodle for lunch.

I definitely wasn't expecting this week to be so exhausting. Hopefully things will get better next week. This is proving to be even more tiring than three assignments combined.

Title shmitle

May officially hates jet-lag.

I need rest! Lots of it, but in the comfort of my own warm snuggly bed surrounded by my soft toys. Heh.

And I'm contemplating whether to cut my hair. It's been a while, but I know I'm going to cry seeing my long hair being short again. But... but... long hairs are not good during summer time. :(

And my fringe... *exaggerated sigh*

3 days back and I'm starting to feel trapped. I want my freedom. I want my car. :(
My dad still does not allow me to drive the cars at home, believing that I'll cause an accident in an instant.

Prft.
At least my sister's phone is finally sold off. Sort of. I'm still crossing my fingers and hoping that the deal will work out. That'll be one less thing to worry about.

Sheesh. And to think, this is supposed to be a holiday for me.

Lost in my own home

Being home for two days, I've realised... that I've gotten very used to my life in Adelaide.

Things are so different here. People are less friendly, the drivers drive like maniacs, the air is suffocating. And the stench of smoke reeks every where. Not to mention, people here tend to stare a lot, giving me the chills.

My biological clock has not adjusted itself well yet, waking me up 7-8am every morning and turning itself off at 11pm. It feels weird being here, as if I've squished myself into everyone's life. Feels as if I shouldn't be here. It doesn't matter if my parents want to see me or Tiara being glad that she has an owner, this isn't my life anymore.

I miss waking up every morning, running into Ray's room and pouncing on him to wake him up. Then snuggling with him or massaging his feet for a while before leaving to start the day.

I miss twirling and skipping around the kitchen while Ray prepares a meal, rushing off to the computer every few minutes to check if anyone has replied a chat or my email, then skipping back to the kitchen to talk to him.

I miss the times where I would accompany Ray on the front porch while he waters the garden. Looking at the sunset and praying that the weather is going to get cooler during the night.

Best of all would be the times where Ray would try waking me up to either go to church or dinner with his relatives. The process involves pulling off every single item on my bed, using the water gun and when all else fails, pulling me off the bed myself. Of course I'll eventually end up sleeping on the floor where the pile of quilt was thrown.

And also my kittens. Sure Tiara's wonderful and I'm drowning in the adoration that I've been receiving, but she's just not Mickey somehow. I don't get to listen to the purr that I love so much or the weird "Mmh?" noise that he makes. Or see the goofy face looking back at me. Silly Mickey dearest.

... I guess, I just I miss my home.